While the hobbit naps, I type. It’s been many weeks since I posted anything to the site and even now I don’t have much to add. I try to write, I do, but most often I end up reading instead. I figure this has to be good in long run. After all, “Read everything” is age-old advice for aspiring writers. But dare I admit here that I don’t even feel like an aspiring writer any more? I feel like a mom, a woman, a human being. An observer of nature – this morning, for example, I watched as my mom’s cat pawed and pawed at the baby squirrel she’d caught. The poor little squirrel was dying slowly, burrowing its head into a pile of fallen leaves, while the cat just kept poking at it – and a consumer of food, the written word, red wine and the Olympics. I just visited the blog sites of several writer friends and even as I felt proud of them and longed for their company, I felt 100% like a nonwriter. Funny thing is though, I felt only moderately upset by this. Mostly I didn’t really care. I like my life at the moment. I’m doing the best I can to participate in the world. I laugh more with the hobbit than I’ve ever laughed in my life. Russia and Georgia are at war, but what can I do about it? I mean, just the other night I saw George Bush and Vladimir Putin sitting three seats away from each other at the opening ceremony of the Olympics, laughing it up together. Surely, if the problem was going to be solved quickly, they could have solved it. No?
But I digress. I just wanted to log in and say hello to anyone who still takes time to visit the site. (blog stats reveal that just yesterday two nice people stopped by) I wanted to say I think about writing all the time and even have a few ideas, I’m just not in a position to compose at the moment. I think my point of view is still a little blurry and my time too limited to filter anything but the essential. The light where I am is so different from the light in London, the horizon so far away, the happenings so new to me. I’d like to write about rural life but I’m not going to be living rurally much longer. In a few weeks I’ll be relocating to San Francisco and maybe then I’ll have more to say. In the meantime, if you’re looking for something to read, I can report that The Lazarus Project, by Aleksandar Hemon is one darned good and powerful piece of literature.
The discomfort you felt from not having a point of view was palpable. I hope you have worked through it or at least learned to live with it. Unlike another commenter, I don’t think you can use it to your advantage because I believe that a sense of identity is our deepest emotional anchor, more important than a sense of self-worth (though it’s nice to have both.)
I believe that this is why we are drawn to causes—it gives us instant identity and self-esteem—often without achievement or effort. Unfortunately, identification can make us quick to take umbrage and impervious to reason. Hence the peril of discussing “politics and religion”: To the person who is identified with his party, his faith, his team, etc., questioning those entities amounts to an attack on his very core.
This, I believe, is also the root cause of prejudice: We reinforce our identity and self-worth by mentally maneuvering to feel better than others (“Yes, I may have a slight drinking problem and be behind in child support payments—but my neighbor can’t even start his car…and have you seen his lawn!”)
So if the necessity of having a POV makes us susceptible to dysfunctional partisanship and prejudice, and not having one courts madness, what chance do we have of achieving a peaceful, rational world? Methinks, as long as we all come from the factory this way, I wouldn’t hold me breath.
-Paul (yes, one of the Morzez)